I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
