i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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