I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
