Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
