FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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