you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
