dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
