Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
