He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
