you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
