Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
