Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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