I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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