It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize