What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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