I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
