I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just pee around me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
