I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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