so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
