none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you would pick up someone in the library
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
