The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
