He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
