And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
