Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
