She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize