There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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