Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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