woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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