i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
