I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
