so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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