my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
