Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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