I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
