you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
