Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I could make wine with my vomit
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
