I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hippo gnu deer
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
