I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize