that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
