$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
