he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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