dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
