the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
