how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
