everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
True college students do jello shots in the library
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
