I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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