if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
