I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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