i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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