You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
