So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
