y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
