If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.