Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wish my penis had a tongue
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day