I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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