so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.