we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way