So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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