what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
