I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
