hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
