mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
