Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
