woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize